i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
