I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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