Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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