omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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