he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
only you would photoshop your dick
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I need moral support for this bender
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
