if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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