The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
