This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
