wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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