There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
