his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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