Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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