Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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