yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
