Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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