Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize