You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
