It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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