Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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