i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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