I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
