another moral hangover. fuck.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
