Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
