with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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