I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She announced her abortion via fbk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize