And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
