I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
