Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
