My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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