maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
