She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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