I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
