I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
