I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
