Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
