I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
