I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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