yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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