first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
