i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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