I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she smelled like a LAN party
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
