My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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