You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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