The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
