I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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