Apparently you make a good broom.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
