drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
