Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize