I think im going to throw up on grandma
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize