I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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