You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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