Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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