i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
