I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
