Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize