sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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