ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
