Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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