I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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