Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
