We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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