I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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