If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
