Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize