All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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