if you like me you must not know who I am
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
