Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
