Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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