I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Vodka?
Forever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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