1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
